Ask JP

Anonymous asked: do you think its bad to text someone everyday?

well, it depends.. if they answer you, and you have a conversation, no. if they arent answering you, then maybe you should back off. if they answer you, and seem uninterested (they reply with texts saying something like “yeah”, “cool”, “ok”, “k”, etc and just give it the bare minimum), also probably an indicator you’re trying too hard and its pushing them away. also talking to the person lets you know if its okay or not. ask them if they are bothered by it if youre afraid thats the case. that’s what i’d do, at least.

Anonymous asked: hey. heres the thing. I'm good at everything. I'm a little bit pretty but not beautiful, I'm a little bit smart but not very. I'm ok at acting. I'm ok at school. I've got an ok personality but I'm not actually anything good and its stressing me out. and I'm ugly.

i find it impossible to ever think of you as ugly. to think the way you do, and have the heart i can see you have, you are nowhere near ugly. im glad that you dont see yourself as being bad at things — you dont sound ultra depressed which is good, you’re on your way to happiness. i think you shold focus on the things you excel in. fuck what people think. if youre an incredible flute player, then be proud of that. no matter how much someone values it or not. people could care less about something, but if you find the pride you have in it, you have this emotional “high” almost, when the endorphins in your body are actually being produced and you are happy. and when youre in a happier mood, you can start to see more and more about yourself that really does excel. and for people who think they arent beautiful or pretty enough: if you keep your body healthy (eating right —not too much OR too little — and working out/being physically fit) your body does the rest. over time, your body takes on the right shape, the one it’s meant to have. it isn’t about going to extremes. being healthy is moderating everything and keeping a balance within yourself. meditation helps keep me happy sometimes. even just closing my eyes, taking a few deep breaths, and clearing my head. stress can so easily make you turn on yourself. by clearing your head of it, even for a moment —- that “escape” can make you happier in itself. and i say pursue acting. acting is something with practice. whatever you find weaknesses in, if it is a goal of yours, go for it! and your personality is good or bad based solely on the people youre with. having aspergers, ive learned that the hard way. the truth is that who we are is good or bad only because of how people around us react to who we are. society and the world around us defines us as funny or crazy or weird or amazing or awful etc etc etc … i could go on and on, but hopefully this is enough to get you started at least on the path to just overall being a happier person. if you ever need ANYTHING —- come to me and im here to answer questions :D

Anonymous asked: Hi JP, it's me Little O. Again, this is about 'Bob'. I think the "thing" i have on her is getting worse... I just can't stand her anymore, like every time i see her i literally think "OH. It's her." and i feel so bad about that but at the same time what can i do? It's gone to that point where i don't even want anything to do with her anymore because it's just too much now. Now my friend (let's call her Emily), me and her had this plan of having a movie marathon night of movies with this particular actor in it this weekend and i invited one of my other friends (Nina) to come because she likes that actor as well, then Emily invited two of her friends too, and i don't mind that, because we all love that actor, then i find out Emily invited Bob and i was just like in my head "What?! Why do you have to come and ruin my weekend..." i know that's so mean but Bob doesn't even know the actor, and i feel like she's gonna spoil it for me because of well, because of what she's been making me feel lately, which is not a good feeling. This is different now, i actually, don't want her to come, she makes me feel so uncomfortable and she's just so.... I don't know, and she still sucks up to my friend Anna. She's all over her. I just don't get it, i know a good friend wouldn't feel like this and believe me i wish i didn't but i do, it's there. I can't stand her anymore. And i don't know what i'm gonna do. It's like she makes everything feel like a competition when it shouldn't be. When it's not. I feel like she's trying to be the "more liked" person. Particularly with MY friend Anna. JP, i know i sound very selfish and self-centered and what not. But i don't know what i'm gonna do. I already told Bob before that sometimes she just pisses me off to no extent, but that was the last time i talked to her about it, she doesn't know that i actually don't like her as much anymore. I feel horrible. She's coming this weekend and i know i'm not supposed to care and that i should just have fun but i feel like it's gonna be a weekend for me walking on eggshells. I hate this, i hate that i have to deal with this. Please, help me.

Little O

Little O,

I appreciate that you came to me for advice again. It literally fills my heart, knowing that in even an anonymous way, I’m helping you out with your life and (hopefully) making a difference.

Moving along, however, is my advice.

I know exactly what you are feeling. I feel it for multiple people, and have felt it. Like there’s that almost sickening feeling when you see someone. You have this twisted view of them and classify everything they do as negative. The best way to deal with this weekend would be something you probably wouldn’t expect to hear me say — drop it all. What do you, JP? I’ve learned that I need to dismiss everything and talk to people I don’t like. I don’t expect to like them again, but I can’t let them ruin my chance to have fun, and you shouldn’t let her ruin your movie night. Talk to her, don’t ruin her talking to your friends without you, and be relaxed. I might sound mean, and you might feel like you’re just going to be conforming to something you don’t want, but (and you won’t believe me until you do this) by dismissing everything and having a good time, you make it a lot easier and can have a good time. I hope everything I’ve said helps. And I hope you have a great movie night :)

Love,

JP

Anonymous asked: JP, so last weekend i went on a sleepover with some friends. Now the person who hosted it, C, she's really cool and we've been quite close for a long time now. But ever since that weekend i feel like she's been avoiding me and she has some kind of problem with me. I mean we still talk, but it just doesn't feel the same as before. It's like i have to be careful what i'm saying around her and i feel i'm the only one making an effort to have things back to normal.. I have no idea what i did because everything was good at the sleepover and i'm feeling so frustrated. I don't want to tell her because i don't want to make a big deal out of it.. What should i do?

- S

Hi S,

As hard as this might sound, you do need to eventually confront her. Just say something like “Hey C, I just can’t help but feel like you’ve been avoiding me recently.. (wait for a reply or actually ask her if she has ignored you) tell her that you hope everything is okay an that if youve done something, you are sorry. you can also try to talk to other people and maybe see if theyll find out for you . still, i think its best to just talk to your friend C.

i hope ive helped!

love,

JP

Anonymous asked: hey:)
so i work with this guy. we flirt, and he even drives me home. we have talked about hooking up over the summer (not during school because we don't want anything to be awkward, just in case) and all that. and it definitely seems like he likes me, or is at least interested in me. we always talk about hanging out but it never really ends up happening. whenever i ask him to hang out he never can, which is weird because the day before, he always says he doesn't have plans. when we work together we hold hands and laugh and vent and tell each other basically everything. even at school he stands close to me and asks me how my day is and things like that. neither of us want a relationship because we just want to have fun. i don't know how to push it any further because i don't want to come off clingy, or be annoying. i'm not even sure if i like him, no. i know i don't like him, but yet i still want to hook up with him. people always tell us we would be a good couple, but we really just became friends like two months ago and i'm to scared of a relationship. i don't know what to do.
please help me.


-no one special.

dear no one special,

first off, im sure you are. and with this guy, it sounds like he likes you. and i understand you not wanting to be too clingy. i think the best way to find out is to just go to him and tell him what you told me. tell him how you are confused and dont want to be clingy. let him know how you feel and by keeping both of you on the same page you can both work together to hang out or to hook up or whatever it may be. the main thing is not keeping it to yourself, or even better said, you shouldnt keep it from him. i hope everything works out :)

Love,

JP

Anonymous asked: Hi JP, it's me again. Do you remember when i told your about "Bob"? Well, i have a new problem. Well it's not really a problem, it's just that I don't know how exactly i feel about it. You see, one of my best friends (i'll call her Ren) is celebrating her birthday soon. I met her from my old school. Bob is invited to the party. I introduced Bob to my friends from my old school a while back. Her being invited is not the problem. Ren can invite whoever she wants to invite. But i feel like Bob's trying to steal them away from me. Like ever since she noticed that i started hanging out with other people she started "sucking up" to my other friends from my old school. Particularly to this other girl (i'll call her Anna). And what's so weird is that the day after she got invited, she didn't even mention it to me (of course i knew, but she didn't know that i knew). I thought she'd at least want me to know that she was invited to my friend's birthday party. It's like they're suddenly "her friends" rather than "her friend's friends". I mean of course i'd want them to get along, but she just.. She sucks up so much to them. Especially to Anna. Every single time i get so annoyed. I don't want to be but i just can't help it. I actually really couldn't care less if she was invited or not. But why must she suck up to them so much? I have no idea what she's trying to do or if she's even trying to do anything. But i don't wanna blow up on her suddenly and hurt her.

Little O

Hi little o, I’m not actually sure what to say for this one. The best advice I can give is confrontation without accusation. Talk to bob but don’t blame bob on things you aren’t certain. Girl world is crazy. It’s a backstabbing nightmare. I’ve gotten myself caught up in it before and it can be ugly. that said, it sounds like one of those girl world problems are troubling you, and need to be resolved with you and bob however works best. Bob might or might not realize what she’s doing. I feel bad giving such little advice, but I hope it helps and always ask if you need anything ever I’m here for you :) Lots of love, JP

NOTICE

I just wanted to let those who messaged me that I have received your messages and have been away this weekend. It’s too hard to respond from my phone in the car and I will try to answer you all by tonight :)

Anonymous asked: im confused lol what did you need to tell me ? or does it have to be between JUST me and you ???

It’s alright, you don’t have to worry about it. What I wanted to talk to you about isn’t an issue anymore ahah. :)

Anonymous asked: ( still bad grammar girl) well heres the thing i just read your response again and you told me to go off anon. but see i know you personally. and i feel if i went off anon your advice to me would different since you actually know me. so idc if you post this with the rest of what you have to say. i dont mind at all actually.


<3

hi bad grammar girl :)

dont worry i totally understand that you wouldnt want me to know because i know you outside of tumblr. What’s ironic is that I actually was thinking to myself as I typed this ‘How weird would it be if I ended up knowing this person?’ when I asked you to send me something off anon. And it’s no problem, the advice is my gift to you for forever and I always will be here for you, helping you through anything. Anon or not. And just know you are never annoying me in any way. Sending me messages on my regular tumblr helps, because I see those first, and have to click a few places to check for messages on my advice blog. I just feel bad I didn’t get back to you sooner! Hope everything is turning around and that you are making the best of it all and know that I am here for you, always. If you ever want to tell me who you are off of anon, theres a free hug included in the real world :) 

Love always,

JP (even thoguh the two of us know that isnt my name lol)

Anonymous asked: i just need someone to listen for once.

my family is falling apart and i have no idea what to do :( i used to be sooo rich and life was great but now we are on the break of losing our house AND i have a feeling that brother is getting back on drugs and hes lying to me about. he means the absolute world to me and if i ever lost him i would never be the same. he may be a complete asshole but hes my brother/bestfriend. speaking of bestfriends mine know practically none of my problems, i hide behind a smile cause i know they wont understand theyll think im depressing and that i just need to cheer up. they all live there perfect lives, rich, great boyfriends, their main problems are their looks. and i know you may say " if there your bestfriends they will understand and listen to your problems". And i feel a little hypocritical cause i use to have all of that! and now im complaining about them just out of pure jealousy. Id rather tell everyone on tumblr anon than tell my bestfriend that my life is falling apart. Which makes me feel like a horrible friend. Now i dont know what your gunna respond. and frankly i dont care if you dont know what to say. i just needed to tell someone.

ps. i cant spell and have horrible grammar, sorry.

Hi I Can;t Spell Right And Have Horrible Grammar,

You are smart. I can tell. You give insight. You’ve thought it through. Life isn;t over and you’re friends might not understand everything. Having to live in a new way, personally, but hold up on the outside is tough. I know that myself. It’s going to get harder and harder, though. You’re going to continue to feel depressed, and there is serious damage that you could do to yourself if you push aside the fact you you aren’t in the financial state you were in. I think you should really go and tell your friends. Tell them that you’re not rich and wealthy as you are. And that things are tough. And tell them that you don’t want them to try to just cheer you up because that’s something that can’t happen. But tell them how you feel. Deep down, about feeling jealous, and realizing what it’s like now without the money you used to have. It isn’t healthy to keep this bottled up. You are not a horrible friend. You are being human. It’s easier to tell strangers than your close friends whats wrong because you don;t have to feel shame and pressure. It’s how we are. And with your brother, drugs are serious and you’ve got to find a way to catch him if you suspect him. You need to tell somebody, maybe at school or wherever. If it’s serious and he is denying it, then you need to et him help. You love him, and you said he is your best friend. If you go to outside help, he will be upset, furious maybe, not to be too subtle or overdramatic, but you need to remember that no matter how bad you might feel for whatever you do, you are doing the right thing, because you are helping to save his life from drugs. He won’t understand it now, and he might not for a while, but you need to remind yourself that he has an addiction to drugs and it is serious and that no matter how much you want his friendship, even more important is your love.

I’m sorry I didn’t have as happy of news and advice as normal, but I do hope you are happy and everything works itself out, because we al deserve happiness.

Lots of love,

JP

P.S. - If you wouldn’t mind. I have something else I would like to talk to you about if you send me a question without going anonymous (not to be posted, just so I can send you something privately). If you don;t want to it’s okay, I have told you all of the most important things and as much as I could try right now already above this. Hope it works out, and you can be happy. We all deserve to be happy. Always come back if you have any other questions. I’m always here to listen and help out my best.

Anonymous asked: Hi, my name is naomi, i told everyone i stopped cutting, and i have but i did it for so long , now i feel physically ill when i dont cut, i dont know if its a phase or what :/

Hi Naomi,

It sounds like you’re going through withdrawal symptoms. It is mostly in your subconscious, the urge to cut. You feel sick or wierd and out of it, and this might not be a phase as much as a long-lived mental condition inside of you. It will get better over time, things won’t always  be as bad as they are now. But there are people who battle with things for the rest of their lives. I hate to sound like a major downer, but I won’t lie to you. There is also the chance that what you are going through is unrelated to your cutting. Unlikely, yes, but there is a chance it is something separate. If I were you I’d try to see your regular doctor and explain your worries, and find out what they, both medically and professionally, suggest. I do hope you feel beter and I’m glad you aren’t cutting anymore. I want you to stick to it, to never let an urge take control of your head. If you ever need anything, you know that you can come to me as a willingly listening and friendly person. I’ll spend all the time with you you ever need to work through things. KNow that lifeis worth being happy about and cutting doesn’t fix that and always tell yourself that if the urges come.

Lots of love,

JP

P.S. - Naomi is a cool name ;)

Anonymous asked: There's this guy that I really like. We used to like each other like, two months ago. But he didn't want to go out because he didn't want to lose our friendship. I admire that he'd rather have a friendship than a short relationship, but I'm starting to gain feelings for him again. We've been talking a lot lately and he's been flirty; he's been calling me cutie, beautiful, and perfect. We hung out yesterday and doing so just confirmed the feelings that I have for him. I don't know what to do. Please help?
Love, Em.

Hi Em,

First off, sorry I didn’t to this earlier, I was out and don’t see questions asked on my phone, unfortunately. So aside form my excuses is my advice.  Well, relationships are all different. People say, well, duh. Of course they are. But in truth, most people actually only look at relationships as friends dating or some sort of friends with benefits ordeal. You both are being really mart and I admire the thought that both you and this guy have put into planning something out for yourselves. It shows just how much he cares about you, and how much you care about him back. What is best is not letting the term ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ destroy the friendship. All you guys are moving up to is a relationsip where you aren’t holding back from more hugs, more little kisses, and so on. I’m not saying, go ahead. Date and have sex and let it get wierd too fast. NO. But you seem very smart and I’m sure you and the guy you like know better than that. So knowing what things you aren’t ready to be doing already ensures not letting those sorts of things mess up your relationship. It comes down to trusting yourselves in the future, and knowing that you have to let each other grow on each other, have a healthy relationship. The only reasons that teens and anybody, really, mess up relationships is because they leave out certain things to skip into what they want to. It’s about still going oiut on dates after you’ve been dating for a while, still giving each other the amount of space they both want and need, and about being there for them. A relationship isn’t about hooking up. Not the kind you’re talking about. So just tell yousrself that. You don’t HAVE to be doing tis or doing that with him to be dating happily. Just focus on being happy together. And I can guarantee you will have a longer relationship. And who knows how long it lasts? The thing is to not think about that. Don’t put a timer over your heads, ticking away. Just be happy with what you have, and only worry when things are getting really bad. But then again, you have me here to always help you out.

I hope you and this guy are extremely happy with each other!

<3 Lots of love!

-JP

Anonymous asked: Actually, i've talked about it to two of my other friends, and another friend that i've become closer to who's in a different group. But i mean, i still don't want to make it the whole group's issue you know? If i know that it's my problem then why would i want to bother them with it? And it's not only Bob who notices the fact that i started hanging out with other people, and it's kind of affecting the mood whenever the group sits together during lunch breaks and stuff. I mean, sometimes i just want to get to know other people you know? Why should i limit myself to hanging out with one person? And i just don't understand why i have to be the one to make an effort to keep the group together. It's just difficult for me sometimes, it's like they expect me to be the "glue" and be there all the time. Okay i'm just ranting now. I'm sorry. Anyway thank you for listening. You've been lovely. Really, thank you thank you thank you.

Little O
(PS. O doesn't even have anything to do with my name.. It was just the first letter that came up in my head lol)

Hey Little O,

I think that by this point the best solution is to let you figure this one out on yourwon, not to sound mean. But I have given you a good set of tools, and things and suggest that you simply do what feels right. But more importantly, what you want. You need to find balance between what you want to do and what you feel is right. So ar, you’ve managed to put off an actual decision while conflicting between the two. Focusing on which one is more important to you will inevitably bring you to a solution. I can tell you that it won’t be a happy ending. Not dfor everybody. You are currently still upset with your friend Bob. Or you make Bob upset, etc. So know that you might not guarantee an all-smiles outcome from this all.

You are not annoying or a rambling. You’re only putting yourself down! I’m listening no matter what you say.

Hope everything works out, and always message me back with anything else any time!

JP

Anonymous asked: I'm so sorry for not leaving a name! I completely forgot :o

The thing is, it's not going to be that easy "letting go" of our friendship. (Btw i've also seen Toy Story 3 - bawled my eyes out. Every time i remember i just tear up). You see, i have this group of friends at school. I mean, literally, a group. We're all very close to each other, but i admit that i have different levels of frienships with each one of them. The one i've been talking about, i'll call her uhm.. Bob, i'll also admit that out of everyone else in that group, i'm closest to her. Well that was until she started changing and i started to get closer to other people in our group. So okay, let's say i tell her about this blah blah blah, the problem is not only going to be the fact that our friendship will go through a major change, but the fact that it will change everything within our group. Both of us being in the same group, it will be a very awkward atmosphere if we stopped talking. I don't plan to stop talking to her or cut her off completely, it's just that sometimes i just can't bear her anymore. And i don't want to make a big deal out of if with the other people in our group because i know how much it will affect them. I thought if i ignored it everything will be okay. But no, it's getting worse day by day. And i don't know what's going to happen. But all i know is that i don't really think "letting go" of her is the solution. I do want to talk to her, but you see, when i think it over in my head, talking to her and all, it will sound a lot more like my problem not hers. I know it's not her fault that she's being herself, i can't tell her to change that. I know, that this is all me, it's all my own problem, i know i'm on the wrong side for thinking of her that way and i feel so bad about it. I'm probably not making sense, but it's like a problem with no solution. I mean i KNOW what i should do, i just don't think it's going to change anything, or make anything better for that matter. I completely understood what you mean though, and thank you for taking the time to reply to that. But i feel so conflicted. I'm also 16. I've been through so much more harder things before, but this is something that would probably stay with me for a long time.

You can call me Little O.
(PS. there's this girl at my school and i call her JP.. Just thought i'd share that.)

Hi Little O,

I really mean it when I say that I think you are handling this situation amazingly. You know everything that there is to do and ahve opened yourself to options. I think the only way for you to really figure this out is to work it out amongst your group of friends. Maybe you go talk to them about your issues about Bob. See if they know what to do and make it a mutually known thing in the group. Talk to Bob about your issues with her. Make sure she knows that you don;t blame her for anything, it’s your own issues that you need to work out. But you don’t want to keep it to yourself. The risk is Bob getting upset, which could happen, just letting you know. Although I’m sure you were already aware. I think you need to talk it out, and see what vibe you get. Talking it out - with both Bob and the other people in your group - will give you a good sense of what to do. I wish I could help more, but sometimes we need to figure things out on ourselves. I wish you the best of luck, and if there are any other things you want to or need to know, always know I’m here for you.

Lots of love,

JP

P.S. - That’s so cool! JP are just my initials, for Jake P (not saying my last name :-P)

Anonymous asked: Me and my boyfriend break up a lot but we're both in love and yesterday i made a mistake by believing my friend instead of him and he decided its best if we just stop being together and i think hes happy about it but when hhe talks to me he still seems in love and confused but i want him back so much i love him more than anything and i dont know if i should just give up or not

Hi,

It sounds to me like a destructive relationship. It’s not uncommon. And it’s unfortunate, unfortunately. I’m not sure if yo’ve seen jersey Shore, but if you have then you know that Sammi and Ronnie had a destructive relationship. They said that they were in love, they had that connection, and nobody could understand what it was. No matter what happened they just felt something right between each other. Things that play into life are bad timing, and mistakes. I think you sohuld talk about it. Go over everything that’s happened to you to together, and set yourselves up with a clean slate. A legitimate clean slate. Go on first dates all over again, little kisses all over again. You say you love each other, so let your relation start over, not pick up where it left off. Give youself time to experience the reasons you both fell in love and work your way from there, always knowing wat the past between you has taught you. If things don;t work out that way, then please message me back, I’ve always got tons more advice ;)

All my love to you and your boyfriend and whatever else life throws at you,

JP